I grew up reading fairy tales — maybe that’s why sometimes I feel like my imagination is always traveling to another land. And because of this, I’ve also always believed in the good defeating evil, romance and true love. We didn’t have Disney Channel in the Philippines so I learned about Cinderella, Aladdin, the Little Mermaid, Thumbelina, The Emperor’s New Clothes, Alice in Wonderland through books. Reading fairy tales and imagining to be in a another land was probably one of my favorite things to do when I was a child. Twenty something years later, I still love the idea of what fairy tales teach us —although now I am more well aware that not everything has a happy ending.
It was probably a few years ago when I first fell in love and got my heart broken that I experienced one of the most magical things I’ve ever felt in my life. It really did feel like the whole world was spinning and butterflies were living in my stomach. Everything happened so fast and so passionately and then boom —all of a sudden, it was over. The next thing I knew was— I felt like there was actual hole in my heart and it was shattered in a million pieces and I didn’t know how to mend it or to glue it back together. Days, weeks, months passed by and I still felt so empty, so broken —so not good enough. Eventually, with the help of my friends, family and my faith in God, I pushed myself to get out of bed again, to stop crying, to move forward, to live in the middle of the pain, to try new things I never thought I could do, to face my biggest fears (heck, I even jumped out of an airplane), to reinvent myself, to fight to be the best person I could be. There were still days that I would unexpectedly cry out of nowhere or feel insecure why it didn’t work out or the infamous question of “what’s wrong with me?” conversations with myself. But I learned that —that was okay, it’s all part of the healing process. It’s completely okay to be human and to be broken so you can be whole again.
As I look back now, I never thought I’d say this to myself but it was actually a very beautiful process. I can honestly say that I am proud of the person I’ve become and when people from my past tell me that I’ve changed – I say thank you —because I fought to be the person that I am now. So for those ladies, who are single this Valentine’s Day or even heartbroken — I am here to tell you that you will be okay. I know that’s the last thing you probably would like to hear right now but you will be, I promise. Everything will make sense in no time. Just allow yourself to feel, to break, to cry (but don’t stay there), to move in progress until you can feel again, smile again and love again.
There’s going to come a time that you will fall for someone again —and when that happens, you’ll be scared again but this time around you’ll be braver and know that if my heart gets broken again – I know I’m going to be okay because I’ve already survived, went through hell and back and got my life back together but better. You’ll know that it’s always going to hurt but this time it will be a little bit easier because you’ve been there and done that. You’ll also know yourself more and will fight for your worth this time around. And just because you love them, it doesn’t mean that you have to love yourself less.
If there’s one thing that I gained from losing my first love, it’s self-love. And yes, I would do it all over again because it lead me to the person that I am now.
Now that I’m out of the woods, I found that there was more to life than the small world I lived in at that time. There’s other genuine, beautiful people out there deserving of my love and just because one person broke my heart into pieces, it doesn’t mean that nobody is going to come around and love me the way I deserve to be loved. Sometimes the next person even helps set you free from the chains you’ve been holding on to for all these years, or shows you different side of you that you’ve never seen before or ends up proving to you that not everyone is out here to get you. When you meet that person, let them in, love them and thank them even if things also don’t work out in the end.
I didn’t mean this to be a sentimental post, babes! But it turned out to be. Eeeeekkkkk. Well, this shoot reminded me of the song “Out of the Woods” by Taylor Swift. The lyrics and the music video felt so real in my life in so many ways. This post has a Part II so stay posted in the next few weeks. I made two outfits and got to work with @_256k Thank you for making me look like I’m coming out of a very dark, magical land in a fairy tale. It’s everything I imagined and more.
Happy Valentine’s Day Everyone! Know that you are loved and you are worth it!